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Bringing it all back home

October 8, 2002

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Burrow into The Gay Blade’s enclave. The Spork Boards

From the matching mashed-potato and gravy spigots in the master bathroom to the thousands of “magic fingers” lining the withdrawing room like wildly oscillating cilia in an enormous, mood-lit bronchial tube, the design of The Gay Blade’s burrow may deviate a bit from orthodox blueprints for domestic bliss.

But few of his strange bedfellows (or long-suffering neighbors) would deny the noisy vigor with which this utensil pursues his funhouse vision of home improvement.

This month, the Blade’s inner kaleidoscope is trained on outfitting his underground lair’s capacious kitchen to handle the industrial-strength requirements of catering his forthcoming Samhain soiree in strict compliance with Wiccan dietary laws.

The freshly dug eight-foot trench in the center of the room is strewn with coals to receive the piece de resistance: an entire Bactrian camel, studded with nutmeg, marinated for eight weeks in a potent blend of witch hazel and Robitussin, and packed with a zesty pennyroyal-Eukanuba dressing of this implement’s own devising.

Sweet James Beard in a lavender tau robe! Where’s the Blade’s huge canvas lobster bib?


But while the Blade will happily chow down upon his own dog food, today’s Apple is reportedly considerably more squeamish about its eating habits, at least judging from recent reports about the company’s policy toward iCal, the new Mac OS X calendar utility.

According to the Blade’s coven, the company has imposed strict limitations upon the use of iCal for its internal scheduling requirements. Case in point: Apple’s very own information systems and technology support staff has been barred from smoking the new homegrown in favor of the kine bud from Meetingmaker Inc.

“As with other iApps,” internal notices warn, “the IS&T HelpLine will not support iCal except in cases where a strong business need exists. Meetingmaker is Apple’s preferred option for business calendaring.”

Talk about fassy bandulu bizness! Hol’ it dung from Ellen Feiss, nuh true?

Dem belly full, but de Blade hungry! Step up with the bredren at The NMR Report: Labba a fi real Mac-industry tip to earn a bashy mole rat for you and you!

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