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The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill

April 16, 2003

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Burrow into The Gay Blade’s enclave. The Spork Boards

While The Gay Blade’s A.A. in rocket science from Laguna Honda Community College affords him carte blanche to speak authoritatively on any subject under a million suns, that privilege lugs with it a veritable cartoon anvil of responsibility.

Hence, this utensil must humbly apologize for a bon mot in his most recent column implying that the Bush Administration (fresh from the greatest military victory since the Italy-Ethiopia Games of 1935) would next turn its Provigil-brightened expansionist prospects on Tehran, the relatively quiescent John Entwistle of its conveniently pre-packaged Axis of Evil.

Zut, alors (if Donald Rumsfeld will pardon his French)! After witnessing the triumphant denouement of the Baghdad affair (what’s a few art treasures between friends?) this armchair general is mortified at his hasty words: He of course meant “Damascus.” Regretting any confusion, the Blade now returns you to your regularly scheduled war.

Pushing Too Hard

Speaking of imperialist designs of Machiavellian complexity, the Blade’s highly fatigued team of embedded news anchors offers some deep dish on Apple’s much-rumored deliberations about acquiring Universal Music Group from Vivendi Universal for a neat 10 figures (potentially playing Popeye to Microsoft’s Bluto, with Universal in the role of Olive Oyl).

Although this old-school implement would personally prefer to see Le Pomme purchase Lenny Kaye’s transcendent “Nuggets” series for a fraction of the cost, he understands the company’s thinking: According to his moles, the potential deal derives from talks Steve Jobs had with the Big Five record labels to create the imminent iPod music service, apparently due to debut alongside a buffed-up version of the slickery audio player. This service will be advertised as better than MP3, they report: It will use the AAC audio codec, a secure technology that iPod already supports. Not coincidentally, Universal (owner of MP3.com) has concentrated time and effort on AAC development, a technological tidbit that adds spice to the corporate instant karma Apple may be brewing up.

 

Mecca-Disney may still be a few months off, but the Blade’s thrill ride is already operational. Drop a Mac tip to the NMR Report, and an animatronic naked mole rat could be yours!

 

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