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Down on Cyprus Avenue

May 28, 2003

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Burrow into The Gay Blade’s enclave. The Spork Boards

Like international film sensation Jeff Stryker, The Gay Blade proudly displays his leftward slant at the drop of a towel. But despite his AC/DC relationship with the coprophagous domestic agenda, fast-suppurating foreign policy and unprecedented thuggishness of the current Bush junta, this utensil must confess the sort of hopeless admiration a minor-league drama queen feels at a Barbra Streisand concert.

From the spectacle of Bush 43 donning a jumpsuit to take a million-dollar victory lap around the U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln in an uncanny imitation of Ham the Space Chimp to the highly orchestrated, Wag the Dog stagecraft aimed at transforming the estimable Jessica Lynch into an unwitting hand puppet in the G.O.P.’s Punch-and-Judy presidential campaign, the Blade doffs his lavender Mao cap at this misadministration’s gaudily painted histrionic excesses.

Now that his guilty secret is out, this implement can’t suppress a twinge of regret at news that flaming White House thespian Ari Fleischer is leaving his closet in the Ministry of Propaganda, the better to groom his beard in the comfort of his own elaborately crafted log cabin. In the wake of this dire news, the Blade humbly suggests that Mr. Fleischer’s departure may create a job opening for a young man with the communications skills and psychological tendencies the Bush bunch prizes: freshly defenestrated New York Times reporter Jayson Blair. Bling bling!

Corporate tools

Speaking of elaborately staged agonistic displays, the Blade’s strapping fascia of key grips has registered new angles on Apple’s presumptive 64-bit initiative at June’s Worldwide Developers Conference in San Francisco. According to these hard-bodied worthies, the company may use the event to tout dramatic improvements to Project Builder, the integrated development environment Apple acquired along with NeXT Software back when the U.S. presidency was an elected office.

At WWDC, they report, Apple is likely to promote the newly 64-bit-capable version of Project Builder as the quintessential vehicle for developing Mac OS X applications that tap the capabilities of the new breed of Power Macs based on IBM’s PowerPC 970 processor. Indeed, a select force of Apple engineers are reportedly undergoing re-education as Project Builder evangelists, the better to smooth the Mac path to 64-bit satori. The Blade wagers that several of the mysterious TBA slots on the WWDC schedule will be claimed by Project Builder events, and he envisions saffron-robed Project Builder acolytes in the hallways of Moscone Center, handing out savory vegetarian snacks and documentation while rhythmically chanting the praises of their votive IDE. Krishna, Krishna; Avie, Avie!


Madam George, marching with the soldier boy behind/He’s much older now with hat on, drinking wine/And the smell of sweet perfume comes drifting thru/In the cool night breeze like Shalimar! Got a Mac-industry trick up your organdy sleeve? Drop a Mac tip to the NMR Report, and a commemorative mole rat could be yours. Happy talking, Madam George!


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