De Anza Blvd. freeze-out
As one who first spotted the etymological connection between “recreation” and “recidivism” back when Robert Downey Jr. was still taking his baby laxative straight, the Gay Blade assumes most of his readers are familiar with his hyperkinetic ways.
In that spirit, this utensil prays you forgive him the crop of neurasthenic tics currently bedeviling his corpus (a spectacle some intimates have likened to watching a pillowcase overstuffed with boll weevils sinuously twitch its way tortuously across the capacious, toasty hood of an overheated Buick LeSabre).
But while his symptoms may be characteristically extreme, the Blade believes their origin will be readily understandable by any American citizen of voting age who has access to the latest news headlines. After all, how can any responsible, civic-minded adult remain unfazed by the politically partisan, bureaucratic quagmire that threatens indefinite delays to the orderly transfer of power?
Everything’s nice when you’re covered in ice
The Blade is referring, of course, to the buzz emanating from Cupertino about the current status of the honest-to-Vishnu shipping version of Mac OS X.
According to his meticulously paper-trained squad of worker bees, Apple has now officially frozen the feature set that will appear in the first full-fledged commercial release of its next-generation OS. The current public beta will be both the first and last, they report, as the mothership focuses its attentions on getting Mac OS X 1.0 out the door ...
... But not at Macworld Expo/San Francisco.
Although gambling never rises above No. 50 or so in the Blade’s personal-best list of vices, he’ll gladly wager his Eartha Kitt signature-edition faux-gecko unitard and a year’s supply of honey-eucalyptus neat’s-foot oil that Mac OS X won’t arrive in time for Steve Jobs’ ribbon-cutting ceremony at January’s Mac lovefest. (While Apple has never come out and said Mac OS X would ship at the show, Mac cognoscenti have been betting on an Expo arrival since Jobs removed the bombazine flounces and naugahyde straps from the public beta back at July’s Macworld Expo/New York.)
Word from the cutlery drawer: Look for Version 1.0 of X to ship no earlier than the end of February. Sweet Avie Tevanian in a DeLorean! That’s got to hurt.
Do you have the hanging chad to make the Blade’s honor roll? Turn your head and cough up a Mac-industry tip to The NMR Report, and a commemorative naked mole rat can be yours!