MacEdition Logo : Click here to go to MacEdition Home

Hail to the spliff!

February 21, 2001

Don’t be fooled by the Rococo excesses of his Eurotrash fashion stylings; his appetite for foodstuffs procured from the farthest reaches of the globe (preferably by scantily clad native youths); or even his cherished belief that international socialism will still rally at the bottom of the ninth: Beneath The Gay Blade’s mock-warthog cummerbund and matching four-in-hand pulses the vena cava of a true patriot.

In honor of George W. Bush’s first President’s Day with Daddy at the Big People’s Table, this implement broke out the bunting and pulled out the stops to salute other commanders-in-chief of comparable stature. Between the “Operation” game cleverly rewired to re-create the final days of James Garfield, the ether-fueled apple-bobbing contest dedicated to mandibularly challenged President Grover Cleveland, the chopped-liver replica of William Howard Taft and the Ulysses S. Grant beer bong, the Blade is ready to spark up yet another hand-rolled point of light and congratulate himself for a job well done.

Unhand my dance belt!

Speaking of mind-bending vehicles carefully crafted from the highest-quality resin: While the Blade concurs with the youngsters who are anticipating a new, CD-RW-enriched iMac (code-named Roswell) to surface during Steve Jobs’ Thursday morning appearance at Macworld Expo/Tokyo, this utensil has already set his smoke-reddened orbs on the next generation of consumer desktops, which the Blade’s camouflage-clad team of free-range horticulturalists wager will put in an appearance at July’s Macworld Expo/New York.

While details remain scanty on this summer-stock iMac, code-named Kiva, a flurry of speculation has kicked up around the possibility that this model just might cross the threshold from the PowerPC G3 to the G4. In addition, the smart money holds that the iMac’s three-year-old industrial design will receive a significant wedgie at the same time.

Underscoring the latter point, sources report that Kiva will sashay forth accompanied by a new wave of Apple-branded peripherals, including Click, a mouse; Clack, a keyboard; Orbit, a new set of speakers; and a new USB microphone to be named later.

Sweet George W. above the fruited plain! The Blade will take two – with everything.

Got the straight dope on Apple’s new wares? Don’t bogart that tip! Pass it over to The NMR Report, and a commemorative naked mole rat can be yours

E-mail this story to a friend