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Naked Mole Rat Report: Back in your life

March 13, 2002

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Burrow into The Gay Blade’s enclave. The Spork Boards

Cherished Friends: Please forgive The Gay Blade his long radio silence!

Like a misshapen Claes Oldenburg rendering of Punxsutawney Phil, the twisting fingers of winter (and the meaty embrace of Johnny Walker) pushed this utensil back into the furthest recesses of the burrow and into a twilight sleep of a depth and duration unrivaled since the Blade first acquired a taste for Oxycontin-‘n’-praline blondies.

While the details are spottier than Dick Cheney’s appointment book for the month of July, the Blade has a distinct recollection of knocking over the MacEdition server during an especially vigorous somnambulistic rhumba. Quel faux pas, n’est-ce pas?

One silver lining surrounding this latest pharmaceutical haze: The Blade’s blackout subjectively shortened his wait for the 1.4GHz, RapidIO-licious Power Mac G4 he predicted for February. Now that his eyes are again blinking in unison, he can hardly wait to unpack this supercharged new hardware and get down to brass tacks. …

What? Apple didn’t? Oh! In that case, pay no attention to the Mac behind the curtain.

Huevos grandes

While a little egg on his face could only benefit the Blade’s complexion, he remains generally optimistic about the arrival date of higher-powered professional systems.

What’s more, the Blade’s provocatively bullish posture was recently rewarded with a firm goose from his camouflage-clad cadre of Cupertino commandos, who report that Apple is indeed hard at work on ensuring OS compatibility onboard a veritable raft of potent new hardware releases.

Specifically, the company’s software Oompa Loompas have delivered for general internal testing hardware-compatibility releases for a nouvelle vague of laptop and desktop systems. The software also marks a cheeky new nautical theme in Apple code names: “Wave” denotes the Mac OS X update for the new devices, while its Mac OS 9 counterpart is traveling under the sobriquet “Pacific.”

Sweet Lou Reed on a great big clipper ship! Good thing the Blade always packs his sailor suit and cap for just such an occasion.

Ahoy, matey! Shake your Mac booty at The NMR Report, and a chubby pink mole rat could be yours!

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